I’ve been digging her music all week. Check her out:

http://www.janiechu.com/main.asp

Freakin’ awesome.

I know this site is really old in the tooth, so I am planning on overhauling it (yet again). I know that comments are horribly broken– you can thank yours truly for upgrading Wordpress after customizing it up the wahzoo.

Anyways, I just switched to a new host (Dreamhost). All things considering, it is rather nice.

Goodbye diabetes post! You no longer have the top spot. We knew ye well.

The above picture was taken sometime on Sunday, December 16th, 2001. You see that tall guy in the second-to-last row, pale, eyes half-closed, leaning to the left?

Yeah, that was me.

I almost fainted.

For the breadth of the preceeding week, I had been going to my mother every day telling her I had a variety of esoteric diseases. “I have Alaskan river worm!” “I have acute arythmia!” “I have Type 8 Diabetes!” She didn’t believe me and my WebMD.com hypochondria, but I remember having the feeling that she knew something was wrong. Seniors in high school don’t start loving water overnight.

And me? I was drinking gallons a day.

I hadn’t eaten anything on the day of this concert. My gut was on fire for most of the morning: we (the boys’ barbershop) were performing a tough song arranged by one of our members and were risking our reputations on poorly-placed minor chords.

So, having skipped the Most Important Meal of the Day ™, we went on to perform at approximately 2 PM that afternoon.

It was an uneventful concert, really. A few people didn’t show up until 5 minutes before we went on stage, the boys barbershop bombed, our choral director got locked in a storage closet, and the Messiah started 10 minutes late.

I was glad for that last one, though. The Messiah is never fun. Half the time you sit sandwiched between eight other people, their shoulders, arms, knees, and gowns jabbing you in the worst possible places, making you feel sympathetic– if only for a few hours– to the plight of the sardine.

And this is when my blood sugar decided to take a nosedive. I’m guessing I was probably coasting at 20 mg/dl in retrospect. Of course, I didn’t know this while it was happening. I was sweating, nauseus, and faint.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to be there.

Standing up for the “Hallejujah Chorus” (the pinnacle moment of the Messiah where the audience is supposed to rise as well) meant more to me this year than it did other years. This year, I wasn’t just singing “Hallejujah” for the audience. I was singing it for myself:

Only 5 minutes before I can get out of here and pass out…. Hallejujah!

After the concert, tons of people came up to me and told me how worried they were, but I really don’t remember who said this to me. I do remember that even people in the audience noticed how blank, pale, and vacant my face was during the concert. Watching Nick Hopson’s mother’s video of this is even scarier. You can see the dark shadows under my eyes, how I rarely blink, and how a couple times my entire body eerily sways from left to right.

This was the day I knew for sure that something was really wrong with me, and the day we scheduled an appointment to finally visit a doctor.

But hey– at least I didn’t faint.

You got to give the boy props for that.

I archive old recordings of music I’ve been involved with. It’s a little nostalgic of me, but I love doing it. Here are a couple recent acquisitions:

Camptown Ladies 35p mixed choir
This was one of my favorite songs we performed in high school and finally there is a decent recording of it!

Everything Must Change 14p mixed multi-mic jazz choir
I wasn’t involved with this group, but I included this song because Evan (the soloist) was amazing

Ezekiel Saw the Wheel 35p mixed choir, OUTSIDE
I’m surprised at how good we sound considering that this was recorded in the middle of an area with zero acoustics whatsoever.

When Love Dropped In 14p mixed multi-mic jazz choir
This was the infamous song we performed my Junior year where our choir caused a ruckus in competition by moving the position of our microphones to below our mouths. It ended up being judged as a quieter performance than it should have been, but at least we sounded kickass while doing it.

How Deep Is The Ocean 35p mixed choir
A ‘goodbye’ song we did my Junior year for our choral director who was departing. She actually cried while she conducted this song.

A final request. Does, anyone (and I mean anyone who read this) have a recording of Polka Dots and Moonbeams? Gosh I miss that song.

And, more specifically, how do you condense it all into a single blog entry?

There has been so many moments during the last month and a half where I went, “Oh! This is great! I could write about what’s happening now for days. All right!” but then follow that moment with a good week of “Damn. I didn’t do anything. What’s next?”

So I guess I’ll try to cram all of these thoughts into one entry. It won’t be pretty, but it’ll be here and on the record.

***

In full favor of the digital age we live in, I have purchased one of the new “onyx” Nintendo DS Lite game systems for the bus. No more reading novels like everyone else on the bus for me. For this tired commuter, the moment I step on the 401, 402, or smelly 511, I’m a gamer. It’s been a great purchase.

***

Work has been steadily increasing over the last month and a half. I purchased the DS with my first three weeks of overtime and have socked the rest into paying off the volume of my immediate debts.

At this point, I’ve mastered the basic requirements of my job, so it has become dramatically less interesting from a functional standpoint. I still have a strong investment in the position in terms of paying for my life and in growing a relationship with the company, but I think this is a wall I hit when I’m not 150% passionate about something.

There was one uber-depressing day last week when I thought about all of this. The ironic thing is that it was also accompanied by a kind of revelation: I figured out the three main ‘routes’ my life can go over the next 5-8 years. Here they are:

1. Find work in a creative (probably writing) capacity, specifically television or theatre.
2. Teaching English at the high school level.
3. Found a “startup:” an internet company centered around a specific web product (ie. Flickr, DropSend, LibraryThing, or YouTube).

The revelation here wasn’t in the routes themselves– these are all options I have felt drawn to– the revelation was in the knowledge that each of these paths require unique investment and emphasis that forsake the other two paths. Writing requires me doing a lot more of it than I am doing now– refining my craft, working in the afternoons, and possibly moving to a location where I can be hired for it (New York or LA). Teaching requires me to go back to school to get a teaching degree, which requires considerable savings and time spent at a specific school. And working on a startup takes time, determined effort, and years of time to get off the ground– all for an idea that could easily not return on the investement.

Eric defines this period as a “weird” stage in my life, which is an understatement. In terms of career, I can’t seem to nail down a single direction I want my life to go in. In terms of romance, I can’t seem to find anything that *clicks* in the same way. This portion of my life (the good ‘ole “twenties”) is like a balloon floating around in the clouds– no matter how much I’d like to return to the Earth, I’m destined to explode at some point in time. It’s a lot like the Jamie McCullum song “Twenty Something.” Almost word-for-word, actually. Story of my life.

***

FaceBook seems to be undergoing a new Renaissance in the circles I participate in. Todd registered and within two days has 92 friends. He loves to remind me of this when he gets home: “Troy, I just got thirteen friend requests since I logged in! And I didn’t even set my high school correctly!”

Now that Facebook has become ‘open’: ie open for registrations from the public, it’s become a lot more useful as a MySpace alternative. People everywhere can create or join Groups. The News feed gives you updates on all the drama that’s happened up to the last thirty minutes. I never thought I’d say it, but the whole package works better now than ever before. I encourage everyone out there who graduated and forsook their FaceBook accounts to give them a second look– or at least create a new account if your old one is locked or expired. We all gotta keep track of each other, right?

Speaking of FaceBook, Diana Huey done went and created a “Kamiak Choir Alumni” group and there has been a flurry of activity. People have vented about seeing Mrs. Schmick in the mall (it turns out I am not the only one), I managed to confuse Edward Chang and Eddie Lee, and even Kathy Huey, now Kathy Tamaki, joined up. It’s a mad mad mad mad world out there.

***

I went to Port Townsend last week with Eric Berglund to visit my parents and attend the annual Port Townsend Kinetic Races. My Mom has adopted two new cats, and they are insanely cute. One is an ashen grey female named Java who is the size of a kitten even though she’s already had a litter. She has so much energy. I must have woken up twenty times sleeping on Saturday night as Java pounced on my toes.

The other cat is named Mocha (trend anyone?) and is a soft white Tabby male. He does this hilarious thing when you play with him where he captures the mouse or ball in his mouth and walks away with it, head held high. Unfortunately, Mocha’s claws are about three centimeters too thick and my parents haven’t been able to cut them without bleeding. My Dad plans to put his entire body weight on the cat in order to prevent him from moving next time. I don’t want to even visualize how that is going to take place.

The weekend was a blast, though. I played drunken foosball with Eric and my parents (and got suitably owned), played some computer games, made fun of strange Port Townsend locals, and got to watch crazy contraptions race over asphalt, water, sand and mud. Really rejuvenating.

***

I also headed to an evening of Jet City Improv with Arthur and Matt last month, which was amazing. For someone who lived in the U-District for almost two years, you’d think I would have went to Jet City already. I hadn’t. But I now wish I had because it was hilarious.

There is also this unforgettable story where a guy carrying a box of forties gave one to Matt for free, but then Matt noticed that his can was dented in five places and dirty to boot. “It’s got Herpes,” I said, half-joking. Matt sucked on the lid for a bit, ensuring that if the can did have an infectious disease, he’d be sure to catch it. Eventually, he decided the risk wasn’t worth it and ran out of the car at a stop sign to throw the can away.

But– just as we were driving away– we watched a guy walk past the trash can, pull out the can, crack it open, and start drinking, Matt’s fluids included. Both Arthur and I insisted that Matt should have just skipped the middle man (the trash can) and presented this fellow with his prize in the first place. So strange.

***

I also have about six different stories about Lynnwood pizza chains. They all end with one recommendation: Little Caesar’s Hot n’ Ready pizza chains are the best, and every other place you can imagine going is not. This is all my opinion, however.

***

I love, love, love television (as if anyone had any doubt in their mind). Here, in quick summary, is my opinion of the fall lineup:

Prison Break: Fun. I keep watching, but this show is so far from reality. Does anyone really believe what happened in the the last episode (if you watch you’ll know what I’m referring to).

Heroes: I watch this show for four reasons. A) Greg Grunberg B) “Hiro” C) I love Jeph Loeb’s comic books and D) It’s about superheroes. Duh. I’m Troy. Why wouldn’t I watch this?

How I Met Your Mother: The best comedy on television right now, bar none. I wait all week to watch a thirty-minute sitcom. There is more anticipation for me watching this show than Lost. That’s saying something. And speaking of…

Lost: Lost is something that I’ve decided I am going to ride out. Even if the show goes belly-up in its fifth season without any answers, I’ve already watched this far. I’m along for the ride. Unlike a lot of people, I really enjoyed the season premiere.

Grey’s Anatomy: Okay. I’m weak. So, so weak. I’m one of the only men on the planet that watched the first two seasons of this show, but all the same I’m feeling really disaffected about this third season. The immature, snarky type of humor makes me want to yell at the characters to “Grow up” half the time, and it seems so much more forgiving of females than men. I didn’t feel this at all during the first seasons, and I’m not sure what’s changed. What might keep me watching are Addison/Mark and Callie. But that’s it. All of the other characters are ‘meh’ right now.

Smallville: Amazing premiere, as usual (Smallville usually suffers in the mid-season). I’m excited to see where this season is going. As with Lost, I’m with Smallville for the long haul. Michael Rosenbaum still deserves a pile of Emmys.

Veronica Mars: Ah, one of my favorite shows is back, with great plots and a crappy new theme song. I want more Veronica and Logan screen time. Also: where the heck is Weevil?

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: This show has a lot of hype so I’ve given it a few episodes. I never watched The West Wing so I’m not particularly attached to Aaron Sorkin’s “walk ‘n talk” style of writing. It seems overrated, and I agree with a lot of reviewers that the Harriet Hayes character is annoying.

The Colbert Report: Continues to be better than The Daily Show. I love it when Colbert does physical comedy– as in the recent bit with Starbucks or the interview where he drank a beer. Priceless.

I know this sounds like a lot of TV– it probably is. Fortunately I have ReplayTV and can skip commercials. People at work have been haranguing me to start watching Battlestar: Galactica and The Office so that I can do the water cooler thing with them. I’m trying, I’m trying, but there’s only so much TV you can watch in a week!

A lot of people might look at a TV schedule like this and scoff: “Look at all that passive entertainment. At least I read or play sports. That’s interactive. His mind is going to rot.”

Yes: I have seen the studies regarding this material. But I also wonder if these studies were testing people who liked to actively think about the shows they watch. Lost takes a lot more cognitive power to watch than Deal or No Deal, for example, and even the latter show could take a lot of brain power if you were into the statistical side of things. It is my opinion (which may be completely incorrect) that if you try to watch television with as active of a brain as possible, it’s less likely to ‘rot’ it.

I enjoy thinking about how the characters are written on Grey’s Anatomy, for example. I think about what might have gone on in the writer’s room, what the directors or producers might have suggested, what extent a given performance is about the ‘package’ (writing, directing) versus the ‘acting’ (the specific actor’s performance). I project, I analyze, and, to me, this makes television watching a lot more fun and engaging.

Then again, I’m not sure how many people enjoy analyizing characters with euphemisms like “McSteamy” for fun. I’m sure there is an equal contigent who just wants to stare at well-casted abs and forget about the fact they didn’t work out that day.

***

There was a couple fighting outside of my door a couple weeks ago. They had left a party because the boy was drunk and said inappropriate things. I was honestly a few feet away from them, sitting quietly behind our door and listening in. I know this makes me a Peeping Tom (or whatever) but this kind of stuff (ie. love, or the failure of it) fascinates me. I told Todd about what I did when he got home and got a raised eyebrow. Later, he told me that Linnea (his girlfriend) said this: “Todd, I probably would have been listening there with him, too.”

That makes me happy. Not the stalking part or the gossip part, but the part of humanity that wants to connect with relationships even as they see others break around them. Is it hope? Naivity? Curiousity? Hopelessness?

Speaking of “hopelessness,” that was actually the first word that came to mind when I was taking Meg Fowler’s annual “Love Survey.” I only seem to comment on the love posts on her blog for some reason. But when asked the question of “What is the first word that comes to your head when you hear ‘love?’” that is the word I responded with: hopelessness.

I’ve tried to analyze why I wrote this, especially after reading a lot of responses with more positive words. “Hopelessness” is a word that has both positive and negative connotation to me. It can mean something so overwhelmingly positive you get lost in it, swallowed by passion or enthusiasm or good-feeling, but it can also mean something that has no way to heal, no way to come back. After thinking about why I wrote the word, it feels a good fit for my current feelings about love.

Namely: it’s the greatest thing in the world, and I’m afraid of what it can do to me.

***

For the future, I have a couple posts planned out, including a kind of art project I’ve been working on at work. It involves a stuffed monkey. If that isn’t a good-enough teaser, I don’t know what is.

Here’s how I’m feeling right now: